When Your Child Doesn't Know What They Want Yet: Understanding the Role of Parents in Career Decisions
For many young people, the question, “What do you want to do after school?” can feel much bigger than it sounds. It is not simply a question about choosing a job or deciding what to study. At a stage when they are still learning about themselves, developing their identity and discovering what matters to them, they are also expected to make decisions that can feel as though they will determine the rest of their lives.
For some, this can create a great deal of pressure. They may worry about choosing the wrong subjects, studying the wrong qualification or pursuing a career that does not suit them. Others may be afraid that their decision will disappoint their parents, particularly when they believe there is a career or pathway their parents expect them to follow.
When there are many options, high expectations and uncertainty about the future, it can become difficult to move from thinking about a decision to actually making one. A young person may continue changing their mind, avoid making a choice or feel overwhelmed by the thought of getting it wrong.
Understanding why this happens is important for parents. The goal is not to remove every uncertainty, but to create an environment in which young people can explore their options, develop confidence in their ability to make career decisions and gradually take ownership of their future.
Why Can Career Decisions Feel So Overwhelming?
Career decisions are closely connected to identity. A young person is not simply deciding what job they would like to do. They are beginning to consider what they are good at, what interests them, what they value, what kind of life they want and where they might see themselves in the world of work.
This is taking place during an important stage of development. Adolescence involves continued development in areas of the brain involved in planning, prioritising and decision-making, while social experiences and relationships also become increasingly important. This does not mean that young people are incapable of making good decisions. Rather, it helps us understand why a decision that is uncertain, important and emotionally significant can sometimes feel particularly difficult to navigate.
Career decisions are also influenced by much more than academic results or interests. South African research involving high school learners found that academic experiences and confidence in making career decisions were important influences, while parents, teachers and peers also played a role. The findings highlight the fact that career decisions develop through a combination of personal experiences and the environment around the young person.
Another important factor is how confident a young person feels about making a career decision. A learner may have researched several careers and still struggle to choose because they do not feel confident in their ability to make the right decision. Psychologists refer to this as career decision-making self-efficacy.
This confidence matters because career decision-making involves more than simply having information. A young person needs to be able to understand themselves, gather information, consider different options and eventually make a choice. South African research has found that structured career interventions can help strengthen this confidence. One study involving 222 Grade 11 learners from three schools in the Eastern Cape found that learners who participated in a career intervention based on Social Cognitive Career Theory showed a significant improvement in their career decision-making self-efficacy.
For parents, this is an important distinction. A young person who is struggling to decide may not necessarily need more pressure or simply more information. They may need support in developing the confidence to work through the decision.
The Role Parents Play
Parents have an important role in their child's career development. They are often the people who know their child best and can provide valuable support, encouragement and perspective during a time when many decisions are being made.
There is, however, an important difference between supporting a child's decision-making and making the decision for them. Parents may have valuable knowledge about different professions, financial considerations or the realities of the working world. Sharing this information can help a young person make a more informed choice. However, when a young person feels that there is a particular career they must choose in order to make their parents proud, the decision can become a source of additional pressure.
This can be particularly difficult when the young person is already uncertain. If they are afraid of making the wrong choice or disappointing their parents, they may become more focused on finding the answer they believe others expect from them than on understanding what is right for them. Research has found a relationship between parental factors and young people's confidence in making career decisions, reinforcing the importance of the support young people receive at home.
Parents can therefore support their children by creating space for exploration rather than expecting an immediate answer. Instead of repeatedly asking, “Have you decided what you're going to study?”, it may be more helpful to ask questions such as, “What options are you considering?”, “What interests you about that?” or “What would you like to find out more about?” These conversations allow parents to remain involved without taking ownership of the decision.
Practical support can also make a difference. Parents can help their children find reliable information about different career and study pathways, encourage them to explore their options, attend career events or open days with them, and connect them with people who have experience in fields they are considering. These experiences can help turn an abstract idea about a career into something more concrete.
It is also important to remember that a career decision made at school does not necessarily determine an individual's entire working life. As people gain experience and learn more about themselves, their interests and their circumstances can change. A young person may therefore make one decision after school and later adjust their direction. The goal is not to ensure that they never change their mind, but to help them make an informed decision based on what they understand about themselves and their options at that point in their lives.
Parents are not the only adults who can provide support. Teachers, Life Orientation educators, school career advisors, mentors and other trusted adults can also help young people explore their strengths and understand the opportunities available to them. A teacher may recognise an ability that a young person has not yet recognised in themselves, while a school advisor may introduce them to a career or study pathway they had not considered. These different sources of support can complement the role parents play.
Ultimately, parents do not need to have all the answers. Their role is to provide support, encouragement and a safe space for their child to explore, while helping them access the information and guidance they need to make an informed decision.
Where Do Psychometric Assessments Fit?
Psychometric assessments can provide another useful source of information within a professional career counselling process. Depending on the assessment, they may provide information about areas such as interests, abilities or aptitudes, personality characteristics and values.
It is important to understand that these assessments should not be viewed as a test that produces a single career answer. An assessment cannot tell a young person, “This is the career you must choose.” Instead, it provides structured information that can contribute to a broader understanding of the individual.
This can be particularly useful when a young person is struggling to understand why certain subjects, activities or environments appeal to them, or when they are considering several different possibilities. Assessment results can provide a starting point for meaningful discussion and help the career counsellor and young person explore patterns that may not have been obvious before.
The assessment is therefore one part of the process rather than the process itself. It needs to be considered alongside the individual's experiences, academic background, interests, circumstances and aspirations. The feedback conversation is where these different sources of information can be brought together and translated into practical options and next steps.
When Can Professional Career Counselling Help?
Sometimes, despite the support of parents, teachers and other people around them, a young person can remain unsure about what direction to take. They may have several interests but struggle to see how these translate into possible careers, or they may feel so worried about making the wrong decision that they find it difficult to make any decision at all. This is where professional career counselling can provide an additional layer of support.
The purpose is not to give a young person a single answer or remove every uncertainty. Instead, career counselling provides a structured space in which they can better understand themselves, explore their options and work through the decision-making process. Through conversation, appropriate psychometric assessments, feedback and coaching, they can begin to turn uncertainty into greater clarity and identify practical next steps.
For some young people, the most valuable outcome may not be walking away with one specific career choice. It may be leaving with a better understanding of themselves, a clearer idea of the options available to them and greater confidence in deciding what to explore next.
Helping Your Child Move Forward
Not knowing what to do does not mean that a young person is falling behind. Career decisions can take time, particularly when someone is still learning about themselves and the opportunities available to them.
The aim of career guidance is therefore not to find one perfect career that will determine the rest of a person's life. It is to help them develop the self-awareness, information and confidence needed to make informed decisions as they move through different stages of education and work.
This is the approach Farol Consulting takes to career development. The journey may begin with Grade 9 or 10 subject choices, continue through Grade 11 and 12 as a young person considers different post-school pathways, and extend into further study, entering the workplace and developing a career. Later, the same journey may involve navigating a new role, considering a promotion or developing leadership capabilities. Farol's career guidance and psychometric offering is designed around this longer-term journey rather than viewing career counselling as a once-off intervention.
For parents, this means they do not have to navigate every career decision alone, nor do they need to have all the answers. They can remain an important source of support while bringing in professional guidance when their child needs additional structure, perspective or reassurance.
Sometimes, the most helpful thing a parent can say is not, “You need to decide what you are going to do,” but rather: “You don't have to figure everything out today. Let's work through it together.”
